self-observant.

I wanna fight my infection
Cleanse myself down,
Strip myself of my vulnerability
I begin to feel like cracking paint chips on these walls
I wanna be strong enough,
To stay polished
Stronger then my viking ancestry
Delivering every move with confidence and ease
Yeah, good luck to me...

I want to step out of myself
So I can see the person I am forced to be
No one said I would be this way
I never retrieved the memo to feel this way
So what happens to me on this dreary day?
I'm uncertain...

I know I'm not alone though,
We have felt lost in this tunnel
Her and I
Its dark and it's wet and unsatisfying
And she's there
And I'm there
And she feels it
And I feel it
There's a draft that's creeping through
Small specks of light that pierces through the end of the tunnel
We say we like the scumbag-ness of it all
Even if it might just not be for us

And we know its not always for us
And it's wrong
We still stay put
We stay damp

Its a constant cycle for her and me
She loves me then I hate her
I love her then she hates me
I'm drawn to her
but maybe its not good for me to be around her
Maybe its wrong for me to call her
Maybe be its unnatural to want her
She's the drug I can't get enough of...
Yet- We were addicted to each other...

But we want be clean.

And though I can't say when I will choose to walk toward light
Or feel what it's like to be clean and secure
At least I know I'm not alone.
I hope you know you're not alone.
Thank you for that.